Thursday, March 16, 2017

Your New Smile

***Your new smile

About 10 years ago, at the time when our shop was located in Mosman, I went to see a local dentist for a minor 'dental repair'.
“Really a minor problem”, he said, “painful never the less, but while you here, I would like to share some good news”, he said.
Good news in a dental chair? “Have they finally invented a painless drill”, I naively asked.
“Well, the good news is, that in just a week or so, you can leave this practice with a brand new smile!”
It was obvious that I didn't need a new smile but I couldn't resist asking how much that new smile would cost.
“Only $32,000” he said cheerfully. “We will start with the lower jaw then move up, left, right and centre - and you will have the smile of a news presenter!”
Needless to say, I got the tooth fixed for $120 across the road.

You see, there are plenty of idiots out there happy to take advantage of you. Watchmakers are as bad as everyone else, so keep reading. 

About once a week I receive a service report from a subscriber who just submitted their watch to a "reputable" Swiss brand service centre. And most of them appear to be prepared by the “you'll have a new smile” watchmaker: your watch needs a battery replacement, but it is also scratched. We recommend case polishing. While we are polishing the case, we will also do a complete movement overhaul (your watch is due for one!). We also noticed that your dial is oxidised, as well as hands, so we will replace them. The total repair cost is $1,100.

So you took the watch for battery replacement only to find out that your watch is a piece of crap which can be brought to former glory for a mere $1,100.

Before I go any further: please do not send me your service report estimates! All of them come with a disclaimer clearly stipulating that you are NOT ALLOWED to share this information with anyone. So legally, you are breaking confidentiality law. (Sorry legal people, you know what I mean).
Equally I am not allowed to comment on reports or to mention names. Also, even if your watch does not need any of above, it would take lots of money and time to fight such reports. Now, it goes without saying that since 'the reputable brand' is not going to supply any spare parts to me, in most cases, I won’t be able to help you. This is the beauty of a monopoly: it kicks you in the guts and then robs you of the opportunity to source a service from a non-authorized third party. 

One of the trademarks of sophisticated thieving is the use of scary terms which are not commonly understood. Oxidation is a perfect example. Your apple turns brown in matter of minutes when sliced; steel rusts in rain in a matter of days and a silver watch dial does the same - coated or not, protected or not - over the period of a few years. In other words, oxidation is just a very natural process, and the end result - as on the watch dial and hands - is more of a cosmetic nature than of any functional concern. And here is my punch line: if you magnify any surface enough, you will see that discoloration, so technically and legally, it's there. But if you are happy with your smile and with your micro-oxidized dial, which you cannot even notice with a naked eye, then you should tell your Swiss brand that you don't want them replaced. This is your consumer's RIGHT and don't let it be taken away from you.

The final question is the one in relation to servicing. Does your watch needs a complete overhaul when in reality you just want a battery replacement? Well this one is easy to work out.

If your car runs out of petrol and you take it to the "brand" car maker service (without telling them that you've just run out of petrol!), then you can bet your last dollar that the service report would take the opportunity to list a number of parts which would require immediate replacement: filters, maybe a clutch, surely brake pads, right down to the rubber wipers. They will have no problem claiming that your 10 year old car is no longer performing "as when it was brand new" (which is obviously true) so legally, they are not breaking any law trying to sell you that new smile. The only reason why such reports are rare is because your Government knows that you need your car to get to work (so you can pay your tax) and therefore protects you from predators and monopolists.

But your government could not care less about your fancy watch so your only protection is to stand up and rebel against unwanted and unnecessary watch repairs yourself. Tell them to go to hell and just replace the darn battery or otherwise you'll take it to someone else who will.

Happy collecting,

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